Delirious Tremors by M.W. Thomas

Only the Mediocre Are Always at Their Best

You gotta f*ck up now and then, at least as often as you shine.  As music has dynamics, as rivers have floods and dry beds, as strippers go up and down the pole, so we all must go to-and-fro on the pendulum of life.  Only a dull boy is always at top dead center.  He has no genius, no break-out moments.  His best days are outliers.

I am taking inventory of the past week.  Here’s a fuck up.  I ordered a digital oscilloscope for the radar lab, but forgot to order the probes.  What a spaetzle-head!  I did order the scope, but that was just expected.  Top dead center.  Did I have a genius moment?  Alas, no.  Let’s just say I’m saving that for next week.

My post title is borrowed from Al Franken as his Stuart Smalley character on Saturday Night Live.  Franken is now a U.S. Senator from the Great State of Minnesota and seems to at his mediocre best in his new role.  That seems to be our natural state.  It keeps us out of trouble, does it not?

Still, if there is any life in us, we inevitably have our moments.  I’d like to see the look on my face when I look up and find I’m within inches of rear-ending the car in front of me.  I do see the look on your face when you glance up at your rear view mirror and see me within inches of rear-ending you.  Which is to say, perspective plays a role in the fuck-up-to-genius spectrum.  Perhaps that little fright will teach you not to suddenly slam on your brakes for no reason.  Genius!

I have had moments of sheer brilliance.  Such as stocking the coffee cups in the cabinet right above the coffee maker.  Real brains in action there.  Or when I stashed a spare pair of sun glasses in my glove compartment just in case I forgot my regular pair at home.  Your admiration is a given.

Pause now to consider your most recent flash of genius.  Your most recent screw-up.  Do you only see that mediocre sandwich in between?

Here's a call to action.  I say, go forth and swing freely on the pendulum of life.  Risk the f*ck ups and welcome those genius moments.  Don’t always be your middling “best.”

Delirious Tremors by M.W. Thomas

10 Bad Things That Happened To Me Last Week

I'm not a big fan of lists, but this one practically wrote itself.  Here are some unfortunate highlights from my week.

1. Smashed my ear in the car door
2. While getting dressed, tucked the tail of my shirt in my hip pocket
3. Dropped a slice of toast and it landed buttered side up – in the dog’s water bowl
4. The barista at Starbuck’s assigned me the name “dickhead”
5. My cube mate found my Starbuck’s cup and now my new nickname at work is “dickhead”
6. Lost time getting a speeding ticket and had to put the pedal to the metal to get to work on time
7. Accidentally cornered a fox and got mauled by a Chihuahua that wanted to kill both of us
8. Leaned back too far in a chair – made it look like I was lying on my back on purpose
9. Saw an old friend at a funeral.  He didn’t look so good.  Hence, the funeral...
10. Jehovah's witness came to the door and convinced me I was going to hell, so I went to the pawn shop and traded my harp for an accordion

The only thing worse about a week of my life is missing one.  Have a tumult of your own to share?  Leave a comment!