Am I a Butterfly or a Fossil?

In many ways, our internet footprint is ruining our lives.  Especially for young people. We've always been infected by the quest for "permanence" that is the static description of who a person is. Even if we as individuals have inserted ourselves into the dynamism of change and improvement, the society around us insists on characterizing "who we are", and in no way "who we are becoming."  Are we human beings or "things?" I am assuming there is difference.

Yes, we have a personal sense of identity.  But we are also identified by others. The latter seems to be profoundly affected by the assumption that we possess a set of static distinguishing features. People don't ask who we are becoming, they ask who we are. In today's world, that means our cache on the World Wide Web.

But even the static-oriented personal interviewer faces a problem. He wants to know your "is-ness," as it were. But what he gets instead is chaos.

In non-digital person, whatever a person's incidental thoughts are from moment to moment is highly unlikely to be orderly, consistent, or logically interrelated. As Susanne Langer  wrote, "the world of pure sensation is so complex, so fluid and full, that sheer sensitivity to stimuli would only encounter what William James has called... 'a blooming, buzzing confusion.'" Our being is, in a word, impermanent.

Turn instead to the past.  The absolutist on "who you are" examines your history, now with the advantage of Google, and then selects (by what criteria?) those things that are the essence of "you."  Note that the investigation is one of "was-ness" and not "is-ness." Startlingly, you are who you were, not who you are. And this effect is heighted for young people in the social media age.

So the past is more real than the present.  "For what I am," observes Alan Watts, "seems so fleeting and intangible, but what I was is fixed and final... and  so it comes about that I am more closely identified with what no longer exists than with what actually is!" I am a character of history, not the guy standing next to you in the elevator.

In the 60's and 70's we were all warned about our "Permanent Record."  It was really more myth than reality in those days; the government and big corporations really didn't know all that much about us as individual citizens.  It is creepy, though, to note that in the internet age, and in the post 9/11 age in particular, the idea of one's "Permanent Record" has become so much more a disturbing reality.

These records carry a greater weight than we possibly override at any moment of the here and now. We may see ourselves as Butterflies who are "becoming", but the agents of permanence see us as characters of the said and done. To them, we are fossils.

We can have careers with great accomplishment over decades. And then we make a mistake. That mistake then becomes the summary of our lives. In our age, we are remembered for the worst thing we ever did, not the general good we served. The media is largely to blame: "If it bleeds, it leads" is their mantra. But as society at large I wonder if we can take a larger, more considered view of our fellow man. Nah, it's not going to happen. It's way too much fun to hate each other.

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

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The Waterboard by M.W. Thomas

Eyebrows

The best eyebrows are these:  you have two of them and nobody notices them.  They are the same color as your head hair and not other manifestations of your hirsute self.  The worst eyebrows are of two kinds: 1) they stand out like paintbrushes; or 2) you don't have any.

Men's eyebrows should be merely functional.  Lose the mono-brow dude.  Let the brow be part of your sign language.  Let them travel up and down with the furls in your forehead, to seduce that shape in a drape (that's "beatnik" for a girl in a cute dress), to flash disapproval, to convey surprise, or to rebuke stupidity.  The male eyebrow's job is done with these simple assignments.

Women's eyebrows, on the hand, are the stuff of YouTube videos. Women keep their eyebrow threader on speed dial.  I've known some older women who simply shave their eyebrows off altogether and then draw them back on with a pencil. The latest thing seems to be to have your eyebrows tattooed on. Good grief! Please don't start me on piercings.  Now that is low brow.

The Theory of the Perfect Female Brow, like Physics, is unfinished business.  What is the ideal taper toward the temple?  Does it depend more on the shape of your face, or your personality? To tell the truth, I don't give a rolling donut. Here's what matters to me, ladies. I don't care how well acquainted you feel we are, I don't want you suddenly reaching up and yanking out any wild hairs from my eyebrows. Nonconsensual epilation is strictly out of bounds.

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Variations on a Monday

Some Mondays punch you in the face.  I overslept.  With my commute, oversleeping means I get up at 6:00 a.m., instead of 4:30 a.m. It's all your fault, Refuters.  I was up too late admiring my last blog article. (It was good wasn't it?)

I've got a coffee maker that automatically grinds the beans, and then clicks over for the drip brew.  It's what I call a gadget.  I make a full pot.  It is set to grind for four cups.  Dammit.  My coffee tastes like hot water steeped in yesterday's grounds. Hell, maybe it is yesterday's grounds. I don't bother to check. Don't want to know.

I cut myself shaving. I reached a little too high and the razor bit my left cheekbone. Great, now I have to dedicate one hand to apply pressure to stop the bleeding, and do everything else with my other hand.  Tie a necktie with one hand pasted to my face? Sure, why not?

Finally dressed.  Where's my sports coat? Why isn't it where I always put it?  It's getting late.

In the garage now, I throw my computer bag into the car, go back in and pack my lunch, and let the dogs out.  Ready to roll.

Where's my sunglasses? Why aren't they where I always put them?

I search the house up and down, and to and fro.  I finally find the glasses on the basement floor.  Of course!  That's where I put them!  I don't think so.  I may have to call the gremlin exterminator.

I back my car out of the garage.  My side view mirror catches the molding around the door and I get a nice streak of white paint on my nice shiny black paintjob.  My, that's attractive.  Screw it. I'm outta here.

I pass the elementary school.  Not so fast.  Badge-heavy crossing guard girl leaps out in front of me and practically thrusts her palm through my windshield.  Stop! she orders wordlessly, as she turns the traffic in favor of the school buses. I wait "patiently".  Finally, she allows me to pass.  At least she doesn't collect a bribe.

Most of the rest of the ride to Dilbert Town is uneventful.  Until I get to the bridge.  The traffic is reduced to one lane again. No problem.  I've got all the time in the world.  When I finally get to the office, owing to my late arrival, the parking lot is practically full, so I have to park on the back forty.  The long walk to the building gave me some time to practice a fake smile, and insert an artificial spring in my step.  Monday.

My boss says, "The front office wants a back brief on the Multi-Nostril Hodonovich Project."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nobody seems to know.  Veronica just said to throw something together."

I booted up my computer and pondered.  This company usually does singleton nostrils.  I decided to take the "multi" term literally and started stringing together multiple nostrils, showing various options with different numbers of nostrils and geometric configurations.  I built CAD models and slapped sexy 3D views on PowerPoint slides.  I decided to show an implementation of the multi-nostril concept on our upcoming, improved Hodonovich 6.1 platform.

I showed the slide deck to my supervisor. "That looks good," he says.  He then proceeds to explain the whole business case I had constructed as if it made all the sense the world.  Boy, he got a whole lot more out of my charts than I put into them.

Finally, 5:00 arrives.  Where's my car?  Why isn't it where I usually park it?

Oh yeah.

The best thing about a Monday is ending one.  And now here I sit blogging to myself about it, and everything seems alright now.

How was your day?

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

The Colossus That Is Stupidity

The approximate size of human credulity
 

Belief without doubt is just credulity. ~ Soren Kierkegaard.


Knowledge is gained in bits and bites. Stupidity is achieved in stupendous galactic scales of measurement. Therein lies one of the simplest tests you and I can apply to distinguish truth from falsehood. A lie is voluminous in its breadth and depth.  It appears instantaneously in full form and encompasses all that is knowable about a thing.  The truth, on the other hand, is puny by comparison.  It provides only partial answers; it is piecemeal and painstaking. If the truth is presented to you in any way describable as comprehensive, it is only through facts accrued through many years, or even decades, of research.

Thus, I say if you have suddenly thrust upon you a rumor of great import, all-knowing, and without a modicum of doubt, you can safely conclude it is a big fat lie.

Here is the problem with the truth. We are all very busy people with our own work, our own lives, with our familial and other obligations. It is impossible for us to independently verify every fact dropped on our doorstep. Even if we did have time, we do not have the resources.  What really happened in Ferguson?  Frankly, most of us have no way of knowing by the light of our own senses. We don't have our own squads of investigators to ferret out the facts. We can only rely on what we are told, and apply our experience and judgment to make something of it. Results will vary.

Another recent example is the mega-tonnage explosion of stupidity that was the Ebola crisis in America.  Honestly, we all know this circus had more to do with the mid-term elections than public health. There is a reason that Texas hospital was ill-prepared for the first case: Ebola is (thankfully) unheard of in America, and it surprised them.  The CDC was not incompetent; the response was scientifically valid and effective. It was the politicians who pointed the disease vectors of hatred and fear to promulgate a "crisis" that never was. Let us conflate it with brown people crossing the southern border too! A case study in flagging stupidity.

Let me summarize. If you want to know, you have to work at it and take your time. And you have to accept incomplete answers. The truth is usually provisional, uncertain, and awaiting more data. To acquiesce in stupidity, you have to do nothing more than blink, and you "know" all.

Doubt is uncomfortable for many people. To be honest, I have no trouble with that state of mind. I'm pleased to be a "doubting Thomas" and it troubles me not that I don't know everything.

Updated May 8, 2015

Squirrels in the Doohickey

Diane Holcomb

That's the name of a blog written by Ms. Diane Holcomb (subtitled "...and other profound observations of the absurd".) The title, she explains on her ABOUT page, is "a phrase the cable guy delivered after climbing up the telephone pole to determine why my television was losing channels."  Her ABOUT page is marvelous, by the way, and should be the first stop on your tour of her site.

Squirrels in the Doohickey becomes inner and outer metaphor for her blog's theme; whether the article look introspectively into her own squirrely sleep habits (THREE A.M. AWAKENINGS, and other insomnia related posts), confront the Bates Motel that is the peeping tom's mind (I HAD A VISIT FROM A PEEPING TOM), or the intrusions of the myriad dystopian particles that dope our otherwise pleasant world (MY TWO CENTS AIN'T GONNA LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD.)

Before proceeding any further, I hasten to emphasize that this post is not a review of Diane's blog. This piece is commentary and intended as a recommendation to my readers.  If I didn't like the blog, I wouldn't bother writing about it.

Diane's writing style is breezy, easy to read, and her word choice and phrasing are splendid, all the while speaking plain English. She has a punchy cadence too, in that she makes liberal use of one-sentence paragraphs, which is unusual in anywise except dialogue.

Do yourself a favor and follow the links to her blog that I have sprinkled herein. I believe you will find yourself taking her up on her offer to subscribe.  I did, because I am interested in hearing what she has to say next.

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Food Trivia Quiz

Take the food trivia quiz! Do you know, or can you guess, the right answers?  You will find those below.

1. Black-eyed peas are not peas.  What are they?

2. The pretzel shape was created by French monks in the seventh century A.D. to resemble what?

3. In cooking weights and measures, how many drops are there to a teaspoon?

4. What flavor ice cream did Dolly Madison serve at the 1812 presidential inauguration?

5. Who said, "Never eat more than you can lift"?

6. Who first developed frozen foods?

7. How tall was Julia Child?

8. What breakfast food gets its name from the German word for "stirrup"?

9.  How many flowers are in the design stamped on each side of an Oreo cookie?

10. What is the name of the dog on the crackerjack box?

If you score:
1-3: you are a dumpster diver
4-5: you are a casual diner
6-8: you are a gourmet food critic
9-10: you cheated

Answers:
1. Beans; 2. A child's arms folded in prayer; 3. Sixty; 4. Strawberry; 5. Miss Piggy; 6. Clarence Birdseye; 7. Six feet, two inches; 8. The bagel; 9. Twelve; 10. Bingo

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Spirited Toasts

Since this is the season of holiday parties, and since holiday parties often put one on the spot to "say a few words", and since saying a few words often means offering a toast as beverages are served, I thought I would share a collection of some of my favorites. I'll start with the most innocuous ones that tend to be suitable for any occasion, although I fully intend to push the envelop before I'm done with you.  This first one is a favorite with mariners and never fails to please.  Memorize it, as it will win friends, influence people, and will be the one thing you say all night that won't embarrass your wife.

Here's to tall ships, here's to small ships
Here's to all ships on the sea;
But the best ship is friendship,
So here's to you and me.

This next one is in the same sentimental vein, but is a little easier on the memory-challenged.  I still like it, even though it is a little bland.

May you live as long as you like,
And have all you like as long as you live.

Or you may like this next one, which is a bit clever.  Notice the parallelism, and how it follows the "rule of threes."

May you have the hindsight to where you've been,
The foresight to know where you're going
And the insight to know when you've gone too far.

A tease on the ladies, as I'm sure you know, is a time-honored theme.  The first of my offerings is blushingly innocent.

May we kiss who we please,
And please whom we kiss.

But some gatherings allows one to be a bit degenerate.  Here's the kind of wit that pleases me:

Here's to wives and sweethearts!
May they never meet.

Here's to hell!
May the stay there
Be as much fun as the way there!

Another point of departure is a riff on contention. Let 'er rip!

Here's to you and here's to me,
Friends may we always be!
But if by chance we disagree,
Up yours! Here's to me!

May his soul be forever tormented by fire
And his bones be dug up by dogs
And dragged through the streets of Minneapolis. ~ Garrison Keillor

I thought I'd throw in the latter just in case you happen to be Minnesotan. I suppose you could substitute your own metropolis of choice. 

Of course, the mainstay of the toast is the reference to drink itself.  The first example below is perfect for the Christmas festivities.

Here's to holly and ivy hanging up,
And to something wet in every cup.

But you can't exaggerate the improvement accomplished when you work the fairer sex into it.  There's just something about it...

I'll drink to the girls who do!
I'll drink to the girls who don't!
But... I won't drink to the girls
Who say they will and won't!

On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tattooed the prices of ale
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille!

You see that limericks make perfectly fine toasts, as long as there are women and alcohol in it.  Below is an interesting attempt at applying logic to the whole affair.

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So let's all get drunk and go to heaven.

But, there is always virtue in brevity:

Gentlemen: start your livers!

Finally, I will gift to you an original toast of my own. The inspiration for it will remain my little secret.

Here's to Dads and here's to Moms
I cherish them all without qualms
But check your praise for their earthly lives,
For they are also Husbands and Wives. ~ M.W. Thomas

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

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A Tortured Response

Rectal rehydration? Really? I am of course referring to one of the euphemistic "harsh interrogation" techniques listed in the so-called "Torture Report" released by the Senate Intelligence Committee today.  CIA rebuttals have been all over media, whether lame-stream, social or anti-social, making the most astonishing arguments.  These techniques were "clearly defined."  Therefore they are not "torture."  Are you kidding me?  Shoving a device up someone's butt is clearly defined, so not torture. Well, the argument has been tortured anyway.

So our embassies, military, and other facilities are on high alert.  There are renewed calls from around the world for George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and other Bush administration officials to be prosecuted for war crimes.

I wonder how many Americans know how much Bush's and Cheney's travel outside the US has been limited by fear of arrest.  In 2011, Bush had to cancel a trip to Switzerland under just such a threat based on that country's signatory status to the convention against torture. Apart from that, the only trip outside the country he has hazarded was a post-earthquake trip to Haiti with Bill Clinton.  He has become our Pinochet.

It is not very original of me to call this program a travesty.  Before Bush, I never would have imagined that my country, my beloved America, would engage in such soul-destroying practices.  Call me naïve.  Many of you, I'm sure, will call me exactly that.

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Peanut Butter and Jelly Soup

Here's an alarming thing: you can type literally anything into google and get a search return. You can even fat finger completely random characters into your search box, and you will get pages full of hits. Go ahead and try it. Type in some gibberish and push go. I'll wait.

Weird, huh?

I introduce this little demonstration because if you google Peanut Butter and Jelly Soup, you will get oodles of suggestions, but none will actually lead you to a soup recipe. So you will have to get it from me.

This recipe was not my idea, although I don't remember where I got it, so I cannot assign proper credit. I may have heard it on NPR, somewhere in between the news bulletins and the Schweddy Balls interview.

Here it is. First, you make a vegetable broth. Fill a stock pot with four to six cups of water. Add yer onions, celery, carrots, and your favorite herbs, all the while humming "parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme." Simmer until you've extracted the flavor from your aromatics. Run it through a fine mesh strainer and keep the liquid. If you're really ambitious and you've got the muscles for it, you can strain it through cheese cloth.

Or you can just run down to the store and buy a box of vegetable stock and cut your prep time by about 10,000%.

Now, just before serving (this is important) add about 12oz of honey roasted peanuts to the broth and cook until somewhat softened (it should take no more than ten minutes.) At the last minute, add a similar amount of blueberries and bring them up to temperature. You don't want to cook them into mush. Salt and pepper to taste. Light on the pepper please!

The incredible thing is that this soup doesn't just remind of a PB&J sandwich, it tastes uncannily just like a PB&J sandwich. Go ahead and try it. It's alchemy. Bon appetite kids!

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

 

How to Sound Smarter Than You Are

Thank God for online dictionaries. You're going to need one.  Your manner of speech is the number one predictor of how other people perceive you as 1) a genius; 2) smart); 3) mediocre: 4) dumb; or 5) a candidate for eugenic experimentation.   I'm here to put you in that upper tier.

It's all about your vocabulary, folks.  Here's a quick example.  If things are at right angles, don't say they are perpendicular, call them orthogonal. It's the same thing, only better. Better means smarter.

You know a "nice guy".  Obviously he's beneficent.  Are you with me? Don't talk about your family finances, those are your pecuniary responsibilities. You don't find this laughable, you know it is risible.

While we are at it, let's wash out your potty mouth. Nothing says stupid faster than your bland use of swear words.  Are you looking at bullsh*t?  Why, that's piffle.  Is that overbearing guy an a**hole?  Let us say he is imperious.

In your new smart speech, self-righteous becomes sanctimonious. You don't relate to your peers, but to people of your vicinage.  You are no longer the victim of a lie, but of calumny. You do your best to avoid the subjects of politics and religion at community gatherings, but when push comes to shove you can worm your way forward by referring to the Decalogue, rather than the Ten Commandments.

I could adduce many more examples to build my tower of Babel, but I will take my leave here.  If you follow my advice, nobody will understand what you are saying.  But, by God, they will know you are smarter than they are.

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Keepin' The Old Farmer's Honest

THE OLD FARMER'S 2015 ALMANAC by Robert B. Thomas is the real deal, as they will be the first to tell you, so don't be fooled by their many imitators.  While it is filled with gardening wisdom, betty-crockerish recipes, and home remedies, its main claim to fame is to forecast the weather for us.  As a public service, I am here to let you know how they're doing so far, now that the data are in for November.  I use the mid Atlantic region as my exemplar.

Here is the OLD FARMER'S forecast for the Atlantic Corridor (page 197):

NOV 2014: Temp. 44 deg. (3 deg below avg.); precip 3.5" (avg.). 1-2 Rain; mild north, cool south. 3-7 Rainy north, showers south; mild. 8-11 Sunny, cold nights. 12-15 Rain, then sunny, cold. 16-22 Scattered showers, cool. 23-30 Showers and flurries, then sunny, cold. 

 According to NOAA, at Reagan National Airport, the average temperature for the month was 48 deg., which is 1 1/2 deg. below normal.  Not much of a miss.   The precipitation was 2.65 inches, approximately 1/2 inch below normal.  Almost a full inch less rain than the prediction.

Boston Logan averaged 42.5 deg. F, or 2.2 deg. below normal ( source: National Weather Service.)   Taking the two together, I would say the almanac's temperature prognostication for the region as a whole is pretty darn reasonable.

Total rainfall in Boston was 5.27 inches, an inch and a quarter above the norm.  So the almanac's guess undershoots up north, and overshoots down south.  Hmmm.  Still defensible, I would argue.

What about the period forecasts?  Well, the DC Metro area did get snow flurries on November 26, the day before Thanksgiving, so that parcel posts. Without putting you through too much unnecessary pain, and just taking the Boston data, the record is a bit hit and miss, but the ALMANAC was right about a quarter of the time, depending on your scoring methodology and how you interpret the prediction ("12-15 Rain, then sunny,..."?)

All-in-all, the ALMANAC describes the mid Atlantic's November 2014 weather reasonably well.  Maybe there's something to it.  Think?

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

The Water Board by M.W. Thomas

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He's BAAACK!

MIO has suffered a bit of neglect the past week, owing to all the visiting with friends and family over the Thanksgiving holiday.  My regrets for the dearth of new content, but surely all you Refuters would agree I've had my priorities straight? But now it's back-to-work.  I hadn't even been keeping up  with the news of the day, and find myself in catch-up mode.

If you have been a reader of mine, you will know that I generally write focused articles that provide my vizier's insight on a single topic.  Today, I feel like zig-zagging a tad.  Maybe just to shake off the tryptophan-induced ennui.

One smart thing I did this past week was to set a DVR in front of dear old Dad (who is about 77) and collected a good six hours of interviews and stories from him, to preserve the family history.  We had a grand time doing it, and I have no reservation that it will be a family treasure in the years to come.  Should you want to do something like that with a family member, here is some quick advice.  There are two features you want to make sure your digital recorder has (the cheaper versions don't.) One, is make sure the audio files are exportable to other devices.  You will need that.  Two, make sure you can rewind and fast forward within a single audio file, and not just back and forth among separately recorded file segments.  The latter is very important  if you later decide to capture any transcriptions. Sony makes a good one, and it's not that pricey.

As for catching up on the news: of course, everyone is digesting the Ferguson grand jury decision. I'll say this about that.  This prosecutor was pretty choosy about his witnesses, and was clearly determined to achieve failure to launch from day one.  The saying goes, a prosecutor can indict a ham sandwich if he wishes.  Clearly officer Wilson is not a ham sandwich.  So, the story goes, Mr. Brown, turned and charged Wilson RUNNING INTO A HAIL OF BULLETS like some kind of comic book super villain.  Right.  According to the prosecutor's witnesses of choice, if the kid's hands were up, well, they just weren't up high enough.  And he was making "fists".  Couldn't be his hands were clenched in a physiological response to having a chest full of bullets.  Nah. As we used to say, it doesn't pass the smell test.

The Grand Jury was not tasked to convict Officer Wilson of anything.  The only question is whether under the very low threshold of "probable cause" there will be a trial on the facts.  Well there won't be.  Rest assured white America, Officer Wilson shouldn't have to answer any questions.  Just give a speech to the Grand Jury.  Trust us, he's a swell guy.  Think Jake from State Farm.  Immediately afterwards, he goes on TV, showing not even the slightest sub-atomic particle of regret.

Enough of that. What else.  Oh yeah.  Then there was the kerfuffle over  some mean-spirited comments about the Obama daughters posted on Facebook by one Elizabeth Lauten, a hit-person, er, communications director, for an obscure congressman from Tennessee. The opprobriums were as awful as unnecessary, and I won't reproduce them, but you can  read it here.  Nevertheless, her apology seemed, unlike so many, heartfelt, and you would think that would be the end of it.  You will have correctly guessed not.  Her resignation was reported today.

Let me know what else I missed.  It's good to be writing again.  I'll be back. And remember, record your family stories.  Even from your crazy uncle with the NRA tattoos.

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

This Turkey, That Turkey

Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit! In my pilgrimage through life so far, I had always assumed that Turkey the bird had nothing to do with Turkey the country. Check this.

See there's this tasty bird from East Africa called the helmeted guinea fowl.  These were brought to Europeans via a trade route through the Ottoman Empire; i.e., the lands long known as Turkey.  Europeans, having the thick craniums they inherit, therefore called them turkey fowl, turkey birds, or simply turkeys.

Now arrive the colonists to America.  They find a bird they regard as quite similar to the fowl traded by the Turkey merchants and so christen them "turkeys".  And there you have it.

Nobody tells me anything.  I am outraged about this rare pocket of ignorance on my part, and glad to straighten it out.

In any case, I wish my readers a Happy Thanksgiving and beg you to enjoy your friends and family on this wonderful holiday.  I am thankful for your page visits.

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

The Tap Root of Common Sense

If anything, the sayings of Confucius show that common sense is timeless, or at least as old as dirt. But not every word of it is gemstone. Consider this whiffle ball:

The Master said, "If a man in the morning hear the right way, he may die in the evening without regret." - Analects IV:8 (tr. James Legge)

Strike! It is no wonder that Confucius attracted opprobriums in his own day. Indeed the Chinese intellect was finely burnished by the sixth century BCE and we can understand why his contemporaries might chafe at the dry homilies of Confucius. Lo! Stop what you're doing and soak up this aphorism:

The Master said, "Who can go out but by the door? How is it that men will not walk according to these ways?" - Analects VI.14 (tr. James Legge)

This riddle is but the mental equivalent of a paper cut. And sometimes Confucius is just darn silly:

The Master said, "A cornered vessel without corners. A strange cornered vessel! A strange cornered vessel!" - Analects V.23 (tr. James Legge)

There might have been a silly tune to go with this one that has been lost in the black abyss of time. Any scholar would point out that Confucius did not compose the Analects himself. Rather, it was his bits wisdom subsequently pieced together by his acolytes downstream on the calendar of human events. And to be fair, nowhere do we read The Master said, "They chose wisely."

Yet is the Analects really nothing more than, say, a like experience to reading through a box of fortune cookies? No. But it takes a little work, and more than a little patience to extract the nutrients from the victuals he offers.

Confucius is conservative. He preaches ceaselessly against any deviation from traditional ways:

The Master said, "I am not one who was born in the possession of knowledge; I am one who is fond of antiquity, and earnest in seeking it there." - Analects V.19 (tr. James Legge)

So, for Confucius, conservatism is necessary, because it is the philosophy that promotes knowledge. And in his times, there was no notion that there is ever anything new to know. There is no concept of human progress. Think about it. If you're a farmer in ancient China, your methods and implements are essentially unchanged from those of your great-great-great-grandfather. What then is "progress"? What are talking about? Change occurred very slowly, and actually imperceptibly over the course of a human lifetime, so that the very idea of progress was alien to the mind.

But his conservatism is simply context for his better angels. In this petri dish grows two great teachings: 1) virtue and ethics, and 2) competency of the state. Here, Confucius is worthy of our rapt attention. In particular, it is worth asking if there are lessons for us, as Americans, in our own troubled times. Side-by-side with virtue, he emphasized etiquette, and with governing, attentiveness to the needs of the people and confidence of the people in their rulers.

The Master said, "Respectfulness, without the rules of propriety, becomes laborious bustle; carefulness, without the rules of propriety, becomes timidity; boldness, without the rules of propriety, becomes insubordination; straightforwardness, without the rules of propriety, becomes rudeness." - Analects VII.2 verse 1 (tr. James Legge)

Well, I dare say we can see these effects in our culture today. The rules of propriety suffer from willful neglect in our public discourse, and Confucius would tell us that is part of our problem. Of course, we can figure that out for ourselves. But there is added force in noting, not just in passing, that we've known this stuff for the better part of three millenia. So what's our problem?

We convince ourselves that as we interact with "the other" that this other is undeserving of the application of the rules of propriety. That applying the rules of propriety is somehow a concession, an abrogation of our principles. Hence, boldness becomes insubordination, and straightforwardness becomes rudeness, and worse. But how do we fix it?

The repair relies on the fact that the problem is perpetuated by a fairly small class of people who reside in the political sphere and an agenda-driven subset of radio and television pundits, and to some extent their "fans." The vast majority of Americans do not agree with this injury to simple civility and the commonsense principles of negotiating, with propriety, through inevitable disagreements.

So, the civil majority has to throw the flag. Our electoral politics don't support that, you say? Yes it does. Voter apathy is the real problem. We get the government we deserve. If the Koch brothers "speak" (by which we mean spend big $$$), who says we have to listen? Here's an idea. Let's go vote, and frustrate them with how much money they flushed down the toilet.

Confucius's other principle is the competency of the prince, and is devotion to the well being of the people.

1. Tsze-kung asked about government. The Master said, "The requisites of government are that there be sufficiency of food, sufficiency of military equipment, and the confidence of the people in their ruler."
2. Tsze-kung said, "If it cannot be helped, and one of these must be dispensed with, which of the three should be forgone first?" "The military equipment," said the Master.
3. Tsze-kung again asked, "If it cannot be helped, and one of the remaining two must be dispensed with, which of them should be foregone?" The Master answered, "Part with the food. From of old, death has been the lot of all men; but if the people have no faith in their rulers, there is no standing for the State." - Analects XII.7 (tr. James Legge)

The State is a lifeboat, and nothing can be of greater consequence than her seaworthiness, and the trust among her skipper and crew. Having that, all needs can be fulfilled with effort, however strenuous. Is it possible that we can be weakened by gratuitous prosperity? That we become churlish upon experiencing want? Perhaps it is so indeed if "there is no standing for the State."

Join the conversation and leave your comments. Or chat:

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Originally published October 14, 2014 on blog.com

My "Honest" Online Dating Profile

Disclaimer: I am not an eligible bachelor. No, I am not dating, but I merely wanted to comment on the unique environment of the e-hookup.  Online dating profiles are notorious for their embellishments.  Let me be your guide to showing you how to do it in a perfectly "honest" way, from the male perspective, of course.  Let's get started.









Name: Mike "The Jackhammer" Thomas

Heh, heh.  A little suggestive.  Boom from the get-go.

Age: 45

Actually, 54.  I just "accidently" reversed the digits. Anyone could make that mistake.

Profession:  Financial Investor

True enough, I have a 401(k) and I am fully vested in my company's employee stock ownership plan.

Best attribute: Very virile, so much so that each of my testicles is larger than the other

A little too crude for the ladies?  I may change this answer when I update my profile next time.

Interests:  I love horsies

I don't have anything against them anyway.  The one time I rode a horse, it took off at full throttle the instant I climbed in the saddle.  We ran at wind breaking speed across the meadow, leaping fences and dodging fallen logs, before finally returning to the owner.  I am lucky to be alive.

Religious attitudes:  You will be my goddess.  Your honey-do lists will be my scripture.

This response is just my opening bid.  Follow-up is subject to negotiation.

You get the idea.  An online dating profile is like baiting your hook for bass fishing, guys.  If you do it right, you will achieve the American ideal of life-long misery.

Direct any complaints to Dr. Phil.

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

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Nuts for Butts

Butts, butts, everywhere!  It's clogging the internet like hairballs in the shower drain.  I have lately been inundated by either Kim Kardashian PAPER extracts, or "think pieces" about Kim Kardashian PAPER extracts. It almost makes Black Friday seem like a god send.

Seems like only yesterday I learned about "twerking." Now I am up to speed on Jen Selter and butt selfies that have generated an instagram following of 4.9 million.  I really needed to know that. Never has a butt man been so overwhelmed in his own element.  There was a time when "butt selfies"  meant a sit-down on the Xerox.  No, we're in a whole new world here.

Now I even know all about the Brazilian Miss Bum Bum contest, which is evidently embroiled in controversy.  "What a rumpus!" declares the Daily Mail, in characteristically cheeky British humor. This is today, not yesterday, and I must embrace it.

In that spirit, let me tell you what constitutes a fine female fundament.  It shines like two half moons as in a science fiction universe created by a thirteen year old boy.  It begins with the small of the back, a divot neither too shallow, nor too deep, but just right.  It ends with a well-defined crescent that neatly divides the delicious loaf from the back of the thigh.  The objects of admiration present themselves with unblushing self-puffery, and thrust themselves into the foreground so that all other things reverse-telescope into non-existence.

Ah! It cannot be done proper justice.  Except on Buzzfeed.  The next time you think about curling up with Don Quixote, or Peer Gynt, remember: Blac Chyna, Nina Agdal, Lily Aldridge, and Chrissy Teigan, are all just a click away.

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

A War Resolution Against ISIS

It is nigh time for Congress to take up an Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) against the "Islamic State."  If it is within the ken of Potomac Man to do it, this measure would not only provide the President with clear authority to act against this barbaric group, but could also address another soul-destroying problem for our republic that has been our bane since 9/11:  the never-ending, abstract "War on Terror."

James Risen of the NEW YORK TIMES (currently under threat of imprisonment by the Department of Justice for refusing to compromise a source) has commented on this point.  The 2001 AUMF against the Taliban and al-Qaeda has been applied to action in some six nations altogether.  President Obama has been drawn to drone attacks like catnip, claiming cover under the AUMF, unfettered by being on the outer cordon of that legislation.  The problem is that "terrorism" is not an enemy entity, it is a tactic; hence, the object of military force can be cagily shifted to suit the US's policy agenda at anytime and presto! the AUMF applies.

Ironically ISIS (or ISIL) has declared itself to be a "state."   Now, we shan't declare war on the Islamic State because that would legitimize their claim.  But at least they constitute an identifiable enemy for an AUMF.  But President Obama has also asked that this AUMF also update and supersede the 2001 AUMF "to suit the current fight."

I would prefer to maintain the distinction between an AUMF against ISIS, and an updated AUMF against these more nebulous terroristic affiliates of various kinds.  The latter should, however, more clearly spell out the President's authorities, the NSA's and CIA's constraints, and the like.  I am an still cogitating on the matter.

One last thing.  I urge the President never to call ISIS "folks" .  Thank you in advance.

Africa's New Map

New Map of Africa

Understanding ISIS

Two useful articles appeared this past week that shed some light on our ISIS problem.  One, an Op-ed by George Will, appeared in the WASHINGTON POST (Thursday, November 13, 2014.)  Another, posted on POLITICO, was penned by one Akbar Ahmed.

Titled "The GOP's war debate", Will's piece neatly summarized how difficult it is for our politics to rethink anything.  At least, not in a very timely way.  I had argued earlier (see my post below) that we cannot possibly contemplate a long war against ISIS, with no "boots on the ground," and that indeed such a notion violates the fundamental principles of warfare.  Nevertheless, we seem to be dithering, collectively, with the very idea of whether we should act at all. My argument was that if we act, it must be with unrestrained violence of action.  But that is only necessary; it is not sufficient.

Will focused on the tears in the Republican fabric, but it is easy enough to expand on it to include our entire body politic.  We cannot agree on what to do, and Congress and the Executive are pulling the nation in just about every possible direction.  After treating us to a history lesson, as he often does, Will reminds of the important point that American political values are not universally held.  Although he doesn't explicitly state this predicate, that is one reason why we get poor outcomes even as we ourselves are convinced of our rightness.  And for another thing, that is why we are presently very confused.

Now there's another problem.  We do not understand this enemy, ISIS.  Enter Mr. Ahmed.  His post in POLITICO is called "What Washington Doesn't Get About ISIS" .  Well, what is that?  By way of answer, he introduces us to the notion of Tribal Islam.  Yes, they are Muslim, but that is not what urges their behavior.  I quote from his article: "The core feature that defines Muslim tribal people - including those fighting under the banner of ISIS - across the Muslim world is belonging to a particular family or clan group who all believe they are descended from a common ancesotor.  Their actions are defined by a code of honor which emphasizes hospitality toward strangers, bravery and courage in battle, and, crucially, revenge."

The tribal code trumps Islam, he tells us.  Reading between the lines, ISIS could be motivated by rage against perceived wrongs and a thirst for revenge against its traditional enemies, and, of course, the west.  Perhaps Islam is but window dressing for what looks to be much much more primitive and evidently barbaric.  For them, a corrupt reading of Islam "justifies" the unjustifiable.  Except, for them, they believe it is justified.

Could this insight illuminate "radical Islam" as well?  ISIS sends out the clarion call for followers and fighters under their perverted Islamic screed.  And truthfully, most people, and youth, whether they be Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or another confession, really know little of their religion other than what they are told.  It seems plausible that by this mechanism Tribal Islam is exportable as Radical Islam to the impressionable.  The latter being sort of the outer circle of the problem.

Here perhaps is a start on understanding the threat, and hence understanding how to craft a strategy.  I encourage my readers to peruse these articles for yourselves.

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Operation All Too Unresolved

Pardon my phlegm, but I take issue with the common talk we keep hearing about fighting ISIL. "The fight could take years," we are told, and I believe it was Leon Panetta who recently said, it could be a "thirty-year's war." Thunder poop! It could be. But it most assuredly should not be. Interminable war is how you lose. Consider the words of General von Clausewitz, in his classic On War:

"For the conqueror, the combat can never be finished too quickly, for the vanquished it can never last too long. A speedy victory indicates a higher power of victory, a tardy decision is, on the side of the defeated, some compensation for the loss." ~ Book IV, Chapter VI.

This calculation of war is not even a new one, having been taught by Sun-tzu millennia before in the "The Art of War." I shall quote Mark McNeilly's rendition of it, from his 2001 book "Sun Tzu and the Art of Modern Warfare." He draws from Samuel B. Griffith's translation.

"Victory is the main object in war. If this is long delayed, weapons are blunted and morale depressed. When troops attack cities, their strength will be exhausted. When the army engages in protracted campaigns the resources of the state will not suffice." (II.3-II.4)

McNeilly, a former infantry captain, opines that if the threat is grave, and if the calculation includes diplomacy, coalition building, and, oh by the way, public support, Sun Tzu, and I think von Clausewitz as well (who military strategists have found to be quite like-minded) would recommend securing victory over the terrorist threat as expeditiously as possible. Certainly not a thirty-year's war.

Here, we have just leap-frogged another problem. American public support for the war as it must be fought is simply non-existent. The war cannot be fought without that element. Sun Tzu emphasized the will of the people to fight as one of the five factors, or five "heads" of the decision to commit the state to the "grave" matter of war.

What then do we conclude? The US is not prepared for war against ISIL. The field of battle is conditioned to their advantage, not ours. Time is on their side, not ours. The commitment to the sacrifice of the fight is on their side, not ours. Their supply lines are short, ours are long. The calculation is clear. The fight belongs to the indigenous powers of the region. We should support them as we can. But there should not be any US war on ISIL; never mind a thirty year one. Let us not be baited into acting like fools.

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Originally published October 15, 2014 on blog.com

How Do You Stone an Ox?

 

I happened to be doing a little reading in the Pentateuch recently in concert with some some study of the murky history of the second and third millennia BCE. For some reason my gaze happened to fall on Exodus 21. This Old Testament chapter, you will recall, continues the transmission of the ordinances of the Lord to Moses that he is to deliver to his weary band of vagabonds in the Sinai wilderness. It contains the infamous "eye for an eye" injunction in verses 24 through 27, although usually only verse 24 is gleefully sung from the pulpit these days.

But what unexpectedly captured my attention was this law found in Exodus 21:28 - and I am using the King James Version -

"If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned, and his flesh shall not be eaten..."

I had never dwelled on this before and I was frankly surprised by it. To proscribe the punishments of humankind for evil-doings is, of course, to be expected. But of a dumb brute? I do not know if the implication is supposed to be that a beast of burden is capable of "sin" and I have not bothered to research it. If a Refuter is reading this and wishes to instruct the community about this theological principle via a Comment, you are certainly welcome to do so. But I am even more perplexed by another matter. How would you accomplish the task of stoning an ox to death?

I have an ox. It's standing in the field and is not even a moving target, say. I pick up a stone I can easily grasp and throw it at the animal with all my might. What happens? Nothing much, I would guess. Maybe the ox slowly turns it head and looks at me as if to say, "What the f*ck?" If I repeat this action over and over again, I can easily predict the ox will turn its back to me and saunter off to get itself out of annoying stone-throwing range.

To an order of magnitude, oxen at that time would probably weigh in excess of 1000 lbs, and would be about 6 feet at the shoulder. What could an average rock-throw do to such a beast? It would be hard to cause the least of a scratch or bruise. Obviously, one would have to work a little harder at this sacrament.

What if one hundred people hurled one hundred rocks simultaneously? If this technique were to be applied without forethought, it would merely result in one hundred non-wounds, but probably a very angry ox. The attack would have to be coordinated to concentrate on the same area of the animal's anatomy, I would think; perhaps the skull. It could do some damage, I admit. Still, I am skeptical of lethality. Oxen, I am led to believe, are pretty hard-headed. Maybe if you made a day of it, it could work. Maybe. Do you have to feed all these people to keep them motivated? Is it BYOB? This event could be expensive.

So, that's one possibility. It takes a village. But what if you're pretty much on your own?

Then I might fashion a slingshot. Yea, that could be the ticket. Perhaps that will illicit at least a snort and a hoof stamping. But I think I need a really big slingshot - no - a catapult. If I could just get my hands on some Lebanese cedar. Out here in the wilderness. Maybe a cedar vendor will just happen to pass by on his rounds. Let's say he does. Now I need some nice tanned leather for the sling. If I could just kill that damned ox, I know where to get that.

Assume that falls into place. Now I need a great big boulder to hurl at the offending animal. About 200 pounds ought to do it. Where am I going to find a 200 pound boulder in this wasteland? Oh, I know, I'll pray for one. Doh!

Can somebody help me load this thing for Chrissakes? Okay, on three! I misse d. I can't believe I missed!

Alright, no more fooling around. I'm going tie that ox to a post, grab a fifteen pounder and just beat him senseless over the forehead. I don't know if that counts as stoning or not. Moses was not really clear on the rules. But as I sit exhausted on my dead ox, I just have one more question.

Why?

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Originally published October 14, 2014 on blog.com

Spit Out the Gum, Mr. President

What's this? Gum smacking on a state visit?  How uncouth.  The Chinese media was astir with tsks and sighs over this tawdry display by the President of the United States of America, the Greatest Country in the History of the World.  China is not in good graces with human rights watch dogs these days, but like the Japanese, they are known for their genteel and well-bred manners.  Now comes the President, jackhammering his jaws like a churlish school kid. Not well received.

Is this any presentation of gravitas, Mr. President?  If my momma was there, she would slap that gum clear out of your mouth.  If Chuck Norris was there, a swift round-house kick to the face would take care of the problem, and a bunch of others too. Okay, that's a little excessive.

Anyway, at least you could spit the gum out first, before appearing for the cameras.  And not on the pavement either.  I don't want to step in your spent product and spend the rest of the day walking around making sucking sounds and trying to scrape the residue off my shoe soles.

Don't you have protocol people to keep you righteous?  Why do I have to point out the obvious to you?  Please, Mr. President.  Spit out the gum next time.

I'm Ebola Free!

This summer I came within several hundred miles of possible exposure to the deadly Ebola
virus on the North American continent.  Due to this concerning propinquity, I have been self-monitoring for symptoms, and can now happily report only a touch of the late fall sniffles.  However, I will be taking my temperature a hundred times a day out of an "abundance of caution."  Watch this space.

The 11th Hour of the 11th Day of the 11th Month

President Eisenhower signs HR7786,
 establishing Veterans Day.

Old timers will remember that Veteran's Day began life as Armistice Day, which was a celebration of the end of the "Great War" which we now commemorate in history books as World War I.  The end of the conflict between the Allies and Germany went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month and hence that was the date assigned to the celebration of the Armistice: November 11, 1918. An excellent account of the history of Armistice Day can be found here.

Armistice Day was celebrated throughout Europe, the U.S. and Canada, New Zealand and Australia, usually with parades and a moment of silence around 11:00 a.m. local time.  In the U.S., Armistice Day became a legal holiday on May 13, 1938.

Following World War II, President Eisenhower issued a Veterans Day proclamation designation November 11th as a for veterans of all foreign wars.  Customs have evolved over time.  There was an ill-fated attempt by Congress to fix Veterans Day as a Monday, establishing a three-day holiday, which was intended to yield an economic benefit.  However, it was returned to its original date in 1978.  It remains now as the eleventh day of the eleventh month.

Remembrance of the fallen has now moved to Memorial Day.  Veterans Day is a day to celebrate all veterans, including survivors, returnees from conflict, and all that have served.  I close with my deepest gratitude for all veterans of the U.S Armed Forces and our allies, including my own dear dad.  This is your day.

Where's the Veteran's Day Food?

Almost every other holiday or observance has its signature victuals.  You know the list.  The Thanksgiving Turkey.  The Christmas Turkey, or Roast Beast. Black-Eyed Peas and Corn Bread on New Year's Day (you might have to be from the South to know that one.)  Soul food, I suppose on MLK day.  I generally choke down a mattress on Presidents Day.  Chocolates for Valentine's.  Ballpark franks and burgers on Memorial Day.  More of the same on Independence Day.  Yet again on Labor Day, maybe jazz it up with Crab cakes.  Then Veteran's Day... what's to eat?

I could use some suggestions, Dear Refuters.  Unless you work for the Federal Gubberment, you generally don't get the day off.  How about something to throw in the crockpot?  Too lame?

It's apple season.  Anybody got a good pork/ham thing with apple?  I could serve it with my tasty Empty Lot Salad Greens with Culinary Mulch Dressing.  How about a computer-generated recipe?  Any geeks out there reading this? Note: I do not own a 3D printer.

Please act fast, and perhaps we can establish tradition together.  Happy Veterans Day, and if you and yours have served, my sincerest thanks.

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Obama, Have a Cupcake

The day after the election, both Sen. McConnell and Pres. Obama delivered remarks brimming with conciliatory overreach.  We can find common ground, say they.  Tax reform and trade agreements are adduced as reason for hope.

What's left out of this chummy campfire song though, is that the problem is really whether the republicans can work among themselves, not so much whether the new majority leader can "work with" the democratic president.  Look what hasn't changed; the lower chamber and their rascally ring leader Sen. Cruz.

Sen. McConnell promises there will be no government shutdown, no debt default.  Now, I believe the gentleman from Kentucky is a serious man and that he does not want these things, but his caucus and the clowns on the other side of the building are not reliable partners.  I do not expect things to turn out well.

It may be prudent for Obama and McConnell to be wary of each other,  but the latter is going to find the equivalent of legislative ebola on home field.  It is likely the GOP will make fools of themselves again and prove all over that they cannot govern.

Tuesday's results may portend good tidings for the democrats in 2016, if the republicans implode in their signature form.  Obama recently expressed a taste for Kentucky bourbon.  I am reminded of a Crimean proverb I heard recently: "Keep calm and have a cupcake."

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com