Jim Plunkett of
Ewell’s Landing, Missouri said “Yes”
And ended up poling a
piano across the lake on a homemade raft
To his brother’s cabin
When the raft and the
piano sunk to the bottom
And he spit and
gurgled and swore in a language Missourians know well
Then all he could
think was “Oh, no!”
Miss Lulu Simon of
National City, California said “Yes”
To a sailor at the
Acey-Deucy Club after two Miller Lites, an umbrella drink,
And a shot of Cuervo
After a bouncy romp in
the back seat of a ’72 Camaro with loose shocks
He broke her poor
little drunk heart into five way-too-easy-pieces
And all she could
think was “Oh, no!”
Let me explain you
something: Say “No” to “Yes”
Por ejemplo, Raul
Montegon of San Juan, Puerto Rico said “Yes”
He would rid the city
of all its feral cats (for a fee and a throw with an exclusive puta)
But the cats were
smarter than Raul
And they ambushed him
at the Castillo de San Cristobal with medical instruments
They extracted his
eyeballs, cut out his tongue, and amputated his thumbs
And all Raul could say
was “Oh, bo!”
Yusif and Hammad of
St. Paul, Minnesota said “Yes”
And that is how they
started campaigning door to door for Hubert Humphrey
(Remember Hubert
Humphrey?)
One particular Sunday
was their best ever afternoon of Persuasion
Hammad said “Praise
Jesus!” Yusif praised Allah
And they punched each
other in the face and mailed all the checks to Reverend Moon(Oh no!)
Busbee Irwin of
Brisbane, Australia said “Yes”
And commenced to
kickboxing with a kangaroo and he played defense
Well at first
And almost
rope-a-doped a roo until he found
A kangaroo has a third
foot tucked under his tail, a fourth
That pops out of his
right eye, a fifth out of his left
And has a Bruce Lee
fist for a tongue… Oh, no!
Donna May of Slippery
Rock, Pennsylvania finally said “Yes”
And agreed to change
into her gym clothes with all the other girls
In the change room
They all said, “Eww!”
and began picking off the scabs that covered her whole body
Until the pus ran out
of her and her body shrank to the size of a dried pea and ran down the shower
drain
And when the plumber
arrived all he could say was “Oh, no!”
Yes-People you’re
going down
You know that “No
means no”
But “Yes” does not
mean “No”
And that is a problem.
Jim Watkinson of
Ketchikan, Alaska said “Yes”
And leaped from the
dock of the salmon processing plant
Into the inner passage
And though it was
July, it was a scrotum-shrinking swim
An otter floated by
and thinking Jim was after his clams beat him with his feet
Until Jim thought he
would drown, but his friends pulled him out and paid him his five dollars.
His sister posted the
video on YouTube.
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