What about the Hermaphrodites?

I recently had to look up the term cisgender. Oddly, we need a word for it now. That word refers to somebody whose gender identity squares with their birth penis or birth vagina. It turns out that I am cisgender. I must say, with all due deference to the ill-equipped, that it seems to be a real advantage in life to be able to peek down your underpants to establish your gender identity. Some people are not so lucky. These people may suffer from gender disphoria, which means they’re wearing the wrong underpants, or worse, they are in dire need of a penis tuck.

A year before that I had to look up the ‘Q’ in ‘LBGTQ’. That means “Questioning.” What it is exactly that those folks are questioning isn’t usually made clear, but I guess there are other planets besides Venus and Mars. Shall I board the space plane for Uranus?

Anyway, where does the ‘C’ for’ cisgender’ fit into the alphabet of gender identity? Shall it be CLBGTQ? It seems rude, cutting in front of the line like that. How about LBGCTQ?

Wait! But what about hermaphrodites? What are those? you ask. I quote the sage, Archie Bunker.  They are people who are “too much of both and not enough of neither.” That is, they are biologically bisexual, as distinct from behaviorally bisexual. They are rumored to have the genitalia of both of the reproductive chromosome contributors. One of their great advantages is that they can have sex with themselves without the shame of masturbation. Some species can even spawn this way.

Whether hermaphrodites exist or not, it seems to me we need to cram an “H” into our gender identity code ring. Where shall we put it?

Okay, let’s backtrack. Maybe the fairest way to do it is set it all in alphabetical order. This article has been edited and proofread, so you can’t see me puzzling this out in real time, but after a great exercise of the backspace key I come up with this:

BCGHLTQ

But what about transvestites? This category seems to be more of a “dress-up” thing and not particularly sexual. But suppose we include it (and why not? Transvestites are people too.) The difficulty here is that we now have two “trans” literations to account for in our spell - and if we must keep it alphabetical? My years of government work have provided me with a built in solution:  T(V)=Transvestite, T(S)=Transsexual.  The formula now yields:

BCGHLT(S)T(V)Q

Now I object to myself. The alphabet is arbitrary. There should be some order in the world. Perhaps we should question first – especially if we are a hermaphrodite:

QHBCGLT(S)T(V)

Then ‘B’ seems to be in the right place too.  C, G, and L, are all the same from a biological standpoint. I suggest we group them, to reflect that for clarity.

QHB[CGL]T(S)T(V)

Looks like chemistry to me. I may not be a scientist, but I know how to use a word processor. I’ll let the DSM take it from here.

Anyway, somebody asked me what I thought of transgender girls using the ladies room.  I say a transgender girl should have to use the boy’s room to fix her make-up, where she’ll promptly get beat up by a pack of rednecks as Jesus intended.