An Open Letter To Speaker Boehner

An emotional John Boehner
resigns as Speaker- and from Congress

I feel for you Tan Man. I wouldn't want to keep eating the same shit sandwich over and over again either. You remember the Government Shutdown of 2013? A lot of people who lost their apartments and got their electricity cut-off do. But never mind them. Your party has nothing but scorn for the scum on the bottom rung anyway. It's your misery that counts now. And thanks to you, the Government Shutdown of 2015 may be averted, since a Continuing Resolution may now be passed with Democratic votes in the House. It's a fleeting victory, since we will in all likelihood face this same piss shower again at the end of the calendar year.

I was very moved by your resignation announcement. Although you've never done the right thing for the right reasons, hey, you talk the talk. I think a little Popery got under skin and rightly so. Frankie should have turned you over his knee and spanked you, but he's too much of a class act for that. To be fair, since you became Speaker after the 2010 wave, I always believed you were a serious man who really wanted to get the business of the country done. I believed that then, I've believed that all along, and I believe that today.

Do me a favor and use your "lame duck" status to get some things done in October will ya? When McCarthy takes over, the House will be the same ole circus tent and you know it. Hey, the past five years are really not your fault and that's the real problem. Your job is not doable. And we will see that after you leave. So put your shoulder to the grind stone for the next thirty days and help us out. Then, fly down to your Florida digs and work on that tan. You no longer need be the saddest orange in the orchard.

Sincerely,
Mike