#SOTU

In case you missed it, President Obama spake of the union last night. He made his grand entrance into the chamber and was greeted with a clamor and caught a wave of handshakes and high fives as he transited up the aisle.  I hope the VIPs were instructed to use hand sanitizer before they entered since the last thing we need is for the leader of the free world to catch a flu.  The president was announced with the customary ceremony, and wasn't even asked to present his birth certificate.


We heard a full-throated boast of the accomplishments of the administration from the Man himself.  Here they are in bullet form.

• Our economy is growing and creating jobs at the fastest pace since 1999 (up yours W)
• Our unemployment rate is now lower than it was before the financial crisis
• More of our kids are graduating than ever before (doesn't necessarily mean they can read and write)
• More of our people are insured than ever before
• We are as free from the grip of foreign oil as we've been in almost 30 years 

He didn't mention the explosion of butt-selfies or listicles on BuzzFeed. Of course, Republicans want to steal credit for these things too, except perhaps for butt-selfies and listicles.

"The shadow of crisis has passed, and the State of the Union is strong."

Most of the speech expounded on the notion of the "Middle Class Economy", from here on MCE, whatever exactly that is.  You can read a full transcript of the speech here.  Allow me to butcher some of the highlights. Obama talked for an hour. I will talk for ten minutes. You can thank me in the Comments section (link below.)

He will send Congress a budget that is practical, not partisan. Let me save you some trouble: that means Congress will ignore it. This budget will, of course, implement his new economic theory of the MCE. He proceeds with an anecdote about Rebekah and Ben Erler of Minneapolis, who bounced back from the economic crisis, and now live happily ever after.

"America, Rebeka and Ben's story is our story," the Prez declares. No it's not. First of all, they live in Minneapolis and so to almost a certainty they talk even funnier than Sarah Palin. They have the annoying habit of ending sentences in prepositions. Second, it's 40 below there in the winter. Normal Americans find that to be something with which up they will not put. Thirdly, Rebeka got a better job with a raise. Who does that?

Citing lower gas prices, consumer protections, economic growth, the doubling of the stock market, and ten million newly insured Americans Obama announces: "So the verdict is clear. Middle-class economics works."  Wait a minute! He still hasn't even told us what MCE is! Except that is simply defined according to whatever he's been doing the past six years?!

Oh wait! Maybe this helps: "First - middle class economics means helping working families feel more secure in a world of constant change." That's childcare, college, healthcare, a home, and retirement. To me, it also means a 60" TV and the newest iPhone.

He then proceeds to propose a mandate on employers to provide earned paid sick leave. Send me a Bill! He didn't mean Clinton.

Second, it means doing more to help Americans upgrade their skills, so they can improve their wages. Ahem! I'm a life-long learner, and I've always expanded my skill set, and when I improve my wages, the result is that it prices me out of the job.  Nobody wants to pay more for more. They want to pay less for more. Especially the government itself. Let's analyze this problem a little better folks.

Anyway, this non-sequitur leads to free community college for everyone. God Bless Us! Everyone!

And to have a more competitive economy, we must invest in infrastructure. That's the stuff that carries trains, planes, and automobiles; oh, and butt-selfies and listicles.  Then a little dig at the 'pubs - "let's set our sights higher than a single oil pipeline." Rim shot, anyone?

He also asks for "fast track" trade promotion authority. Not popular with his own party, it was one of the few things in his speech that will gain traction with the opposition. That and tax reform, although his tact perhaps ran a bit off the rails as far as they're concerned.  A negotiation ploy perhaps? He wants to close loop holes that benefit corporations and the superrich. I thought I caught the Spray-tan Speaker leaning over to puke in his waste basket at about this time.

Two more topics to go before he leaves the stage. Next up is foreign policy. Of course, it's all about "strong" diplomacy more so than the exercise of military power. The ISIS strategy is working, even if it's not. That's because we're getting lot's of great cooperation, even if we're not. America is taking the lead across the globe, even if it's from behind. That's how you walk a dog isn't it? Nobody says the dog is the leader. Oh, and he warns Congress away from interfering with the Iran talks.

The President closed by waxing philosophical. "I still believe that we are one people." You know, not Red States versus Blue States, remember that? He failed to take into account that Yours Truly is mutant. He decried how our politics pulls us into the gutter. Hey dude! I live there! And I keep my gutter so clean you could eat off it.

Well, that's a wrap. "Thank you, God bless you, and God bless this country we love." I hope you don't come down with the flu.

Updated January 23, 2015