GUEST BLOG Aunt Prude Says

It was bound to happen.  Aunt Prude found out I had a blog and, as I expected, had to horn in on the action.  “I’ve got plenty to say,” she said.  “You MUST put me on your blog.”  “What do you have to say?” I asked apprehensively.  “Why, people are always asking me for advice.  I know up from down and everyone knows it, except you.”  I plucked out the barb.  “Okay, Aunt Prude,  what have you got?”

Question 1:  Dear Aunt Prude, on long trips I find that it can be hard to find radio stations through long stretches in between large towns and cities.  It can get really boring without anything to listen to.  What do you suggest? – Lost in Kansas

Aunt Prude:  I know exactly what you are talking about.  I bring my own music with me on road trips, and a cassette player.  That way I can listen to my own music like Tony Orlando and Dawn, or even Olivia Newton John.  I can’t get enough of “I Honestly Love You,” can you?  Hope this helps.

Oh, brother.

Question 2:  Dear Aunt Prude, I inherited a lab mix who really likes to play. I went down to Pet Smart to find some dog toys, but their prices are just outrageous.  What are my choices? – Cheapskate in Hoboken

Aunt Prude:  Oh, these retailers are con artists, no matter what you’re buying.  You can make do with what you have around the house.  If you tie a knot in an old dish towel, that makes a fine tug toy.  We had a medium size dog, and I just gave it the cue ball off of Uncle Jack’s pool table.  The dog loved it.  Stick to the ground game though.  A game of catch might knock all of the dog’s teeth out.

Aunt Prude is the only person I know to ever get kicked out of a dog shelter.

Question 3:  Dear Aunt Prude, I get tired of dragging my butt all over town shopping for me and the whole family.  Is there a better way? – Lazy in St. Paul

Aunt Prude:  Yes.  You can go down to the public library and “shop inline.”  You get on their TV and type in a special number called an “earl.”  Bring a list of stores with you.  The library assistant may be grumpy, but will help you.  You can find the things you want and type in your credit card number and address and it will be delivered right to your home!  Easy as pie.  Try it.  You’ll like it.

It’s called a URL Aunt Prude and it’s not a TV.  Good grief.

Sorry about this post Refuters.  I hope Aunt Prude doesn’t become a regular feature.