Parts of Speech in Five Minutes!

You are free at last of those nasty grammarians. Adverbs, prepositional phrases, dangling participles, ye are cast aside!  I have for you a very simple introduction to English grammar that is all you will ever need.  You can master it five minutes.  Okay, six minutes, because there is one complication that was specifically introduced by medieval logicians to complicate our lives for all eternity.  That thorn in the side is the conjunctive 'and' together with the exclusive or inclusive 'or'.  Unfortunately, the 'or' is usually enunciated without specification as to whether it is inclusive, or, in the case of bad spellers, or bad spell checkers, if it is meant to row your boat.  And 'nor'?  I won't even go there.  Here is the only grammar lesson you will ever need.

The Parts of Speech:

Verbs:  words that make things go

            Example:  Get thee hence, Satan.

Nouns:  words that make things stay

            Example:  There is a house in New Orleans.

Pronouns:  Anonymous nouns

            Example:  We shall overcome.

Adverbs:  words that make verbs go faster

            Example:  Swim speedily across the creek before the alligators eat you!

Adjectives: words that make nouns more colorful

            Example:  Bang, Bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer came down upon his head!

Articles:  superfluous words that start sentences or separate verbs from adjectives or nouns

            Example:  If music be the food of life, play on.

Conjunctions:  words that tell you whether you must consider both, one or the other exclusively, or simply either one.  The most dangerous words in any language.

            Example:  If an object is observed to move, and it is determined that it shall or shall not move; then if it shall move, let it be; or if it shall not move, applieth thou horse glue; or if an object is observed not to move, and it is determined that it shall or shall not move, then if it shall move, applieth thou whale blubber; or if it shall not move, smite it thou with a wooden mallet.

Prepositions:  words that get you from here to there

            Example:  Bang, Bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer came down upon his head!

Interjection:  words that cover all things WTF

            Example:  WTF?!