How Do You Stone an Ox?

 

I happened to be doing a little reading in the Pentateuch recently in concert with some some study of the murky history of the second and third millennia BCE. For some reason my gaze happened to fall on Exodus 21. This Old Testament chapter, you will recall, continues the transmission of the ordinances of the Lord to Moses that he is to deliver to his weary band of vagabonds in the Sinai wilderness. It contains the infamous "eye for an eye" injunction in verses 24 through 27, although usually only verse 24 is gleefully sung from the pulpit these days.

But what unexpectedly captured my attention was this law found in Exodus 21:28 - and I am using the King James Version -

"If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned, and his flesh shall not be eaten..."

I had never dwelled on this before and I was frankly surprised by it. To proscribe the punishments of humankind for evil-doings is, of course, to be expected. But of a dumb brute? I do not know if the implication is supposed to be that a beast of burden is capable of "sin" and I have not bothered to research it. If a Refuter is reading this and wishes to instruct the community about this theological principle via a Comment, you are certainly welcome to do so. But I am even more perplexed by another matter. How would you accomplish the task of stoning an ox to death?

I have an ox. It's standing in the field and is not even a moving target, say. I pick up a stone I can easily grasp and throw it at the animal with all my might. What happens? Nothing much, I would guess. Maybe the ox slowly turns it head and looks at me as if to say, "What the f*ck?" If I repeat this action over and over again, I can easily predict the ox will turn its back to me and saunter off to get itself out of annoying stone-throwing range.

To an order of magnitude, oxen at that time would probably weigh in excess of 1000 lbs, and would be about 6 feet at the shoulder. What could an average rock-throw do to such a beast? It would be hard to cause the least of a scratch or bruise. Obviously, one would have to work a little harder at this sacrament.

What if one hundred people hurled one hundred rocks simultaneously? If this technique were to be applied without forethought, it would merely result in one hundred non-wounds, but probably a very angry ox. The attack would have to be coordinated to concentrate on the same area of the animal's anatomy, I would think; perhaps the skull. It could do some damage, I admit. Still, I am skeptical of lethality. Oxen, I am led to believe, are pretty hard-headed. Maybe if you made a day of it, it could work. Maybe. Do you have to feed all these people to keep them motivated? Is it BYOB? This event could be expensive.

So, that's one possibility. It takes a village. But what if you're pretty much on your own?

Then I might fashion a slingshot. Yea, that could be the ticket. Perhaps that will illicit at least a snort and a hoof stamping. But I think I need a really big slingshot - no - a catapult. If I could just get my hands on some Lebanese cedar. Out here in the wilderness. Maybe a cedar vendor will just happen to pass by on his rounds. Let's say he does. Now I need some nice tanned leather for the sling. If I could just kill that damned ox, I know where to get that.

Assume that falls into place. Now I need a great big boulder to hurl at the offending animal. About 200 pounds ought to do it. Where am I going to find a 200 pound boulder in this wasteland? Oh, I know, I'll pray for one. Doh!

Can somebody help me load this thing for Chrissakes? Okay, on three! I misse d. I can't believe I missed!

Alright, no more fooling around. I'm going tie that ox to a post, grab a fifteen pounder and just beat him senseless over the forehead. I don't know if that counts as stoning or not. Moses was not really clear on the rules. But as I sit exhausted on my dead ox, I just have one more question.

Why?

Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com

Originally published October 14, 2014 on blog.com