Butts, butts, everywhere! It's clogging the internet like hairballs in the shower drain. I have lately been inundated by either Kim Kardashian PAPER extracts, or "think pieces" about Kim Kardashian PAPER extracts. It almost makes Black Friday seem like a god send.Seems like only yesterday I learned about "twerking." Now I am up to speed on Jen Selter and butt selfies that have generated an instagram following of 4.9 million. I really needed to know that. Never has a butt man been so overwhelmed in his own element. There was a time when "butt selfies" meant a sit-down on the Xerox. No, we're in a whole new world here.
Now I even know all about the Brazilian Miss Bum Bum contest, which is evidently embroiled in controversy. "What a rumpus!" declares the Daily Mail, in characteristically cheeky British humor. This is today, not yesterday, and I must embrace it.
In that spirit, let me tell you what constitutes a fine female fundament. It shines like two half moons as in a science fiction universe created by a thirteen year old boy. It begins with the small of the back, a divot neither too shallow, nor too deep, but just right. It ends with a well-defined crescent that neatly divides the delicious loaf from the back of the thigh. The objects of admiration present themselves with unblushing self-puffery, and thrust themselves into the foreground so that all other things reverse-telescope into non-existence.
Ah! It cannot be done proper justice. Except on Buzzfeed. The next time you think about curling up with Don Quixote, or Peer Gynt, remember: Blac Chyna, Nina Agdal, Lily Aldridge, and Chrissy Teigan, are all just a click away.
Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com
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