The Naked Jaybirds

Drummer "Beanhopper" of The Naked Jaybirds

Last Saturday night, I caught a musical act at a Metro area speakeasy at, as I was strictly instructed, a not-to-be-disclosed location. I approached the peephole with my secret password, which was "fuzznuts." It's obviously not a secret anymore, so I hope they change the password from time-to-time. I should have suggested that to the bouncer. There was no cover charge to get in, but it cost me twenty bucks to get out.

The featured band was called The Naked Jaybirds. The Jaybirds were indeed a pretty eccentric group, although they may prefer to be dubbed "eclectic." They offered up a mix of folk, classic rock, Irish drinking songs, and original avant garde stylings. They always walked the precipice between brilliance and sucking. They opened the show with some Irish drinking songs, and even their cover of Led Zeppelin's "No Quarter" sounded vaguely like an Irish drinking song, at least toward the end.

I managed to catch a few words with some of the band members during an interlude. The drummer, who would only identify himself as Beanhopper, said, "We've only performed for an audience twice. Usually we just practice. We've been practicing for thirty-five years." The keyboardist, Jack "The Jerk" Bond, admitted he was "nervous as a quadriplegic jaywalker."

One highlight of the evening was an original love ballad crooned by singer Simon Popehat, titled "How Can I Love You If You Won't Lay Down?" It was a special favorite with the fat girl who insisted on standing right next to me. "Nice beard," she said. I quietly maneuvered to try to get the potted plant in between me and her.

I danced with my best friend's wife. Grrrrr. Oh, and I danced with my wife too. Meh. The only thing they served at the bar was Scotch and Mojitos. And you didn't get to choose. You pretty much got whatever the bartender wanted to serve you.

Closing time was 3:30 in the a.m. Somehow, we found our way home undamaged. If you ever have a chance to see The Naked Jaybirds, don't miss 'em. They perform for the public, on average, once every fifteen years.

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