How to Sound Smarter Than You Are

Thank God for online dictionaries. You're going to need one.  Your manner of speech is the number one predictor of how other people perceive you as 1) a genius; 2) smart); 3) mediocre: 4) dumb; or 5) a candidate for eugenic experimentation.   I'm here to put you in that upper tier.

It's all about your vocabulary, folks.  Here's a quick example.  If things are at right angles, don't say they are perpendicular, call them orthogonal. It's the same thing, only better. Better means smarter.

You know a "nice guy".  Obviously he's beneficent.  Are you with me? Don't talk about your family finances, those are your pecuniary responsibilities. You don't find this laughable, you know it is risible.

While we are at it, let's wash out your potty mouth. Nothing says stupid faster than your bland use of swear words.  Are you looking at bullsh*t?  Why, that's piffle.  Is that overbearing guy an a**hole?  Let us say he is imperious.

In your new smart speech, self-righteous becomes sanctimonious. You don't relate to your peers, but to people of your vicinage.  You are no longer the victim of a lie, but of calumny. You do your best to avoid the subjects of politics and religion at community gatherings, but when push comes to shove you can worm your way forward by referring to the Decalogue, rather than the Ten Commandments.

I could adduce many more examples to build my tower of Babel, but I will take my leave here.  If you follow my advice, nobody will understand what you are saying.  But, by God, they will know you are smarter than they are.

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com