Variations on a Monday

Some Mondays punch you in the face.  I overslept.  With my commute, oversleeping means I get up at 6:00 a.m., instead of 4:30 a.m. It's all your fault, Refuters.  I was up too late admiring my last blog article. (It was good wasn't it?)

I've got a coffee maker that automatically grinds the beans, and then clicks over for the drip brew.  It's what I call a gadget.  I make a full pot.  It is set to grind for four cups.  Dammit.  My coffee tastes like hot water steeped in yesterday's grounds. Hell, maybe it is yesterday's grounds. I don't bother to check. Don't want to know.

I cut myself shaving. I reached a little too high and the razor bit my left cheekbone. Great, now I have to dedicate one hand to apply pressure to stop the bleeding, and do everything else with my other hand.  Tie a necktie with one hand pasted to my face? Sure, why not?

Finally dressed.  Where's my sports coat? Why isn't it where I always put it?  It's getting late.

In the garage now, I throw my computer bag into the car, go back in and pack my lunch, and let the dogs out.  Ready to roll.

Where's my sunglasses? Why aren't they where I always put them?

I search the house up and down, and to and fro.  I finally find the glasses on the basement floor.  Of course!  That's where I put them!  I don't think so.  I may have to call the gremlin exterminator.

I back my car out of the garage.  My side view mirror catches the molding around the door and I get a nice streak of white paint on my nice shiny black paintjob.  My, that's attractive.  Screw it. I'm outta here.

I pass the elementary school.  Not so fast.  Badge-heavy crossing guard girl leaps out in front of me and practically thrusts her palm through my windshield.  Stop! she orders wordlessly, as she turns the traffic in favor of the school buses. I wait "patiently".  Finally, she allows me to pass.  At least she doesn't collect a bribe.

Most of the rest of the ride to Dilbert Town is uneventful.  Until I get to the bridge.  The traffic is reduced to one lane again. No problem.  I've got all the time in the world.  When I finally get to the office, owing to my late arrival, the parking lot is practically full, so I have to park on the back forty.  The long walk to the building gave me some time to practice a fake smile, and insert an artificial spring in my step.  Monday.

My boss says, "The front office wants a back brief on the Multi-Nostril Hodonovich Project."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nobody seems to know.  Veronica just said to throw something together."

I booted up my computer and pondered.  This company usually does singleton nostrils.  I decided to take the "multi" term literally and started stringing together multiple nostrils, showing various options with different numbers of nostrils and geometric configurations.  I built CAD models and slapped sexy 3D views on PowerPoint slides.  I decided to show an implementation of the multi-nostril concept on our upcoming, improved Hodonovich 6.1 platform.

I showed the slide deck to my supervisor. "That looks good," he says.  He then proceeds to explain the whole business case I had constructed as if it made all the sense the world.  Boy, he got a whole lot more out of my charts than I put into them.

Finally, 5:00 arrives.  Where's my car?  Why isn't it where I usually park it?

Oh yeah.

The best thing about a Monday is ending one.  And now here I sit blogging to myself about it, and everything seems alright now.

How was your day?

nom de Twitter: @unrefuted
Email: myirrefutableopinion@gmail.com